You could however bring it up over tea..at a later date of course.

Don't make the mistake of thinking the person you are arguing with wants to hear how they themselves do the very thing they are accusing you of doing. Nothing could be farther from the truth.

What they want is for you to accept responsibility for your grievous actions so we can put this whole ugly business behind us. Anything less is going to drag everyone down a long sulky road of irritation and possibly name calling.

Balance

Don’t spend so much time worrying about what everyone else wants you to do that you forget what you want to do. It’s unrealistic to say that no one else matters. We’re all obligated to someone, whether it’s our spouse, our kids, our boss or our parents. Relationships require give and take. Just make sure you’re not always the one giving.

Sometimes it’s okay to take.

Some things are not meant to be skimped on

Don't buy the Costco brand toilet paper. Especially not if you are a toilet paper snob like me. It's not worth the few pennys you save. Charmin Ultra is the only way to go.

Sorry Costco, you know I love you, and your brand is usually top notch. This item, not so much.

That’s just gross.

Don’t buy bagged lettuce unless you’re not really concerned about the cleanliness of the food you eat or your own health.

I might get sick just thinking of the results of that study.

They don't expire on the 14th

Don’t eat the whole box of Little Debbie Valentine cakes. Sure, at first it might seem like a good idea, you’re home alone, they’re cute, you might even justify it by skipping lunch. Ten minutes later when all that’s left are an empty box, that waxy frosting residue in your mouth and guilt, you’re gonna wish you’d taken my advice.

Really, you can fix it.

Don’t be so quick to call a repairman. You’d be amazed at what you can do with some determination and a little Google. I’ve replaced the transmission in my washing machine, found a cure for swimmer’s ear, and replaced a broken window. Not only can you save some money, but you’ll feel pretty good about yourself after you retile your pool all by yourself.

I can’t decide which is worse.

Don’t assume your Facebook profile status’ are safe.  Apparently there are tons of websites awaiting your friends generosity with your updates. 

I don’t know what is worse, that there are people out there posting these status updates or their supposed friends.

Silly Nostradamus

Don't always be distrustful of weathermen. Occasionally they will get it right and you will be snowed in with 16 inches of snow, sleet and ice and only half a gallon of milk and four slices of bread.

Apparently, those crazy folk who head to the grocery store at the first rumor of bad weather have been in this same predicament before. Next time, instead of judging I'll just take my place in line at Kroger.

It all depends on what you mean by "winner"

Don't assume a movie is going to be good just because it wins an award. Sometimes all the hype is just hype. There's something to be said for entertainment that you don't have to work to "get".

Just something to think about.

Common expression or just pure genius.

Don’t give up.

The old saying, ‘if there’s a will, there’s a way’. There really is something to that.

Sometimes you can train them to take out the garbage too.

Don't underestimate the housekeeping value of having a dog while your children are in the "we eat in highchairs" stage of their lives. The amount of sticky ramen noodles and macaroni & cheese eaten off the floor by our dog far outweighed the amount of dog hair I had to vacuum.

In learning to survive these years I have learned at least one thing.

Don’t expect to find time to cut your hair, read a good book, or watch that new James Cameron film. Time isn’t like spare change; it doesn’t get lodged between the seat cushions and wait for someone unsuspecting to come across and find it. Time is fleeting (it does have that in common with money) and ultimately cruel. I encourage you to take time. It may sound selfish and at times unrealistic, but unless you want your sanity to be fleeting to, I recommend that you go ahead and capture some time for yourself.




Go ahead, just do it. You’ll thank yourself later.

Fashion is in the eye of the wearer

Don't waste a lot of energy worrying about what your kids want to wear to school. No one that matters cares if your kids are wearing matching socks or stripes with plaids. I figure if it's covering all the important parts that's the important thing. Save your strength, eventually you'll need it for bigger battles.

Ways to cut spending #45

Don’t let yourself get suckered into one of your friends’ consulting parties. They are getting the stuff for free just by having you over. And you will feel obligated to buy something even if your checking account is in the red. So just bow out, tell them your dog has an ear infection or that you have clothes at the cleaners to pick up.

Here's an idea

Don't make "private and personal" video tapes of yourself in the first place.  I am amazed time and time again at people who, famous or not, feel the need to record themselves on VIDEOTAPE having sex. I'm even further amazed that these same people are shocked and angered when these tapes become public, as they inevitably seem to.

Another lesson learned the hard way

Don't assume your shoes are safe on your very own front porch. Although it may seem to make sense that because they are on your very own stoop which is part of your very own home you wouldn't have to worry, I'm sorry to inform you that there is no way to insure a roving pack of chihuahuas won't come along and chew up your favorite pair of Reef flip flops.

Wanna know what REALLY bugs me?

Don't mutilate your library books. Being a tax paying, law abiding, library card holder does not give you the right to fold down corners, hi-light passages, or make notes in the margins. Get a bookmark and a notebook.

The lesser of two evils

Don't eat the last Boston Cream doughnut.  Just throw it away.  I know you don't want to waste it, wasting feels wrong, but trust me, the way you're going to feel after you eat that last doughnut right before bed is way worse than the "Oh my gosh I just wasted a doughnut!" feeling.

Another reason to avoid social networking like the plague.

Don't drink and drive and then post on Facebook. While perusing the topic 'the dangers of facebook' on yahoo mail I came across a story about a 20 year old who had seriously injured a woman while driving under the influence. While awaiting trial the young man dressed as a prisoner and went to a Halloween party. He later posted the pictures on his Facebook. The photos were later used to get him two years in prison using the argument that he was 'unrepentant'.

So be careful and use good judgement about what you post on Facebook or Myspace. What you post can and will be held against you.

Of course you could use even better judgement and not drink and drive, or at the very least go as something else for Halloween.

Sometimes those things stick around past their prime

Don't use the nickname you gave your child when they were a baby to personalize their things. I'm not kidding, the other day I saw a kid wearing a soccer jersey that said BooBoo on the back. (Don't even get me started on how BooBoo is the name of an owie, not a child.)

It's not going to be so cute when your kid is graduating valedictorian from his high school and those kids from his old baseball team are in the audience screaming "Way to go BooBoo!"

Seriously...

Don't roll your eyes at your mother when she asks you to load the dishwasher before school. No one likes to start the day on the other end of an eye roll. Not even your mom.

It's been a bad day.

Don't take your hair for granted. Even if it's often frizzy and unmanageable at least you have hair. Even if it takes tons of conditioner and flat ironing to make it look good at least it's still attached to your head. You may just wake up one morning and realize that your hair is clogging up your bathroom sink and your scalp is shining through the very thin layer of black hair you have left.

It's really depressing actually. I can't even make it funny. Believe me I've been trying to laugh about it for weeks but now that I am considering wigs and dying what I have left blond to make it less noticeable I realize there just simply isn't anything funny about it.

Hands Off

Don’t touch the belly of a pregnant woman, not even if you ask first. In fact, don’t ask. Got that? Don’t touch and don’t ask her if you can.

Think about it, would you want people, even people you know, coming up to you and rubbing your stomach? I didn’t think so.

A pregnant woman is already sharing her body with a baby, she doesn’t want to share it with you too. And when you ask if you can touch her it puts her in the awkward position of saying yes to be nice, or saying no, which, no matter how gently she breaks it to you, is going to come off sounding rude. She’s in a no win situation.

If someone really wants you to touch them they’ll invite you. You’ll be surprised how seldom that happens.

So what if you're my BEST friend

Don't assume that I want to hear what goes on in your bedroom, or under your Christmas Tree, or in your backseat. Some details are best left, you know, in your bedroom. Get a diary.

Things that make me go grrrr.

Don't rely solely on reviews or others opinions when deciding whether or not you like a particular band or album. Let your ears decide. You will only look foolish when regurgitating the words of Magnet Magazine and besides its cool to have original thoughts and opinions on occasion.

Even if you are really good at balancing.

Don't keep stacking cereal boxes, juice bottles, and milk cartons on top of the garbage can. It's the TRASH not a game of Jenga. If the can is full, take it out. You'll be the favorite. I promise.

Meow

Don’t leave empty flowerbeds in your yard, unless, of course, you don’t mind having a giant litter box just outside your front door. Take it from me….and my smelly yard.

At least I didn't spend any money to see it.

Don’t assume that a movie is going to be any good just because of a certain actor or actress. Ben Foster may have talent as an actor but he can’t carry a terrible movie by himself, especially if he meets an early death halfway into the movie. I’ll just cut to the chase; don’t bother with 30 Days of Night. There, I just saved you two hours to wash your hair or organize your sock drawer, which will be time well spent compared to sitting through another terrible vampire film.

I'm sure it's my own fault for getting married in the first place

Don’t loose your wedding ring at Target. If you do, don’t expect much concern from the red shirts when you tell them you think the one piece of jewelry that means something to you, the symbol of your commitment to commitments, might be rolling around under the clearance racks in the “athletic” department (and who do they think they’re fooling anyway? A rack of sports bras and some yoga pants does not an athletic dept. make).

What you will probably get is a 20 year old customer service representative who will write your phone number down on a scrap of receipt tape which she will tack to the overflowing employee note board, “Just in case it turns up.”

Not exactly an all points bulletin.

Take a breather and get yourself ready instead.

Don’t mop your floors right before a party, especially if you have dogs, young children or messy husbands. The floors will only be clean for five minutes and most of your guests will probably be late, you know to be fashionable and will miss the clean floors anyways. Cleaning before a party sounds great but it’s much more rational to clean afterwards.

Maybe I should have offered him an apple

Don’t make a Dr’s appointment the first day your 17 year old tells you his wrist has been hurting "for a while". Here’s what will happen-

You’ll call to make the appointment, spend 10 perfectly good minutes of your life on hold listening to Kenny G, you’ll take time off of work, sign your child out of school, and head over to your Dr.s office where there will be about 7 old ladies wanting to know how soon they could get a flu shot on a walk in basis. Finally it will be your turn, and the nurse will ask your son-“On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being very painful, how would you rate the pain in your wrist?”

Can you guess what your son will say? “Um, like 1 I guess. Maybe less.” Then you'll try really hard not to strangle him.

You know what has healing powers for children? A doctor’s appointment. Just the call. You don’t even have to set foot in the office for the magical medicinal effects.

Resolutions are for quitters

Don’t ever pass up warm chocolate chip cookies, there may just not be enough-oh forget it, go ahead and pass them up, that will just mean more for me.

This probably seems like common sense

Don’t eat the whole bag of Holiday Almond M&Ms. Not even if they were 75% off. They’re still going to be 100% on your thighs.

Just a suggestion.

Don't refer to the youngest person in your group or 'click' as the baby. In fact don't refer to anyone who has graduated high school and college a baby, even if that person looks like Doogie Howser. If your youngest friend is making you feel your own mortality or at the very least forcing you to bump up your next hair dying session keep in mind they have no control over their age just as you don't have any over your own. But the baby doesn't want to be constantly referred to as that, the baby. Especially, when they have their own baby at home in a crib. So cool it.

Unless of course, you want to be called the grandmother of the group.

Which I'm sure you don't.

Then again, you can't go wrong with Bubba

Don’t be too hasty when coming up with a stage name for yourself. I mean are you really going to want people to call you Uncle Kracker when you’re 75? Look at what happened to Puff Daddy or P.Diddy or whatever he's going by these days. He still doesn't know what he wants to be called. He's far from being alone, look at poor crazypants John Cougar, it took years for him to ease back to plain ol' John Mellencamp. Personally I think it must be really awkward for Queen Latifah. How long can you really expect people to call you "Queen" when you don't even wear a crown?

It's not only famous people who should think twice, there's a girl in my daughter's class, they've been in the same class for the last three years, and every year she wants to be called something new. In the 4th grade that's equal to taping a "kick me" sign to your own back.

All I'm saying is maybe wear it around the house for a couple weeks before you take it to the streets.

Just a little thing I've learned...

Don't follow the advice of Baby Center and allow your baby to go all night without a diaper change. You just might find that there is a lot more than a dirty diaper to deal with the following morning. Go ahead and completely wake yourself up during one of those nightly feeds and change your baby's diaper. He'll appreciate it, you'll appreciate it, you're washer will appreciate it. Besides, sleep is overrated.

Whatever you do...

DON'T go to Bakerella.com, not if you want to do anything other than drool over baked goods. I sat down an hour ago to write a quick post and I had to pull myself away to knock out this little warning.

I warned you.

You Can Make Do

Don't leave say...your To Do List or your diet soda sitting around while you go to the bathroom if you have a toddler. Even if you think it's out of their reach it won't be and you will come back with more on your to do list and diet soda everywhere. And I mean everywhere. It's good not to leave anything anywhere and better to just not go to the bathroom at all. They'll be in Kindergarten soon enough.

Take a deep breath

Don't tell your wife, "neither one of us looks like we did when we were younger". When she asks if you think this skirt makes her butt look big, either lie or be silent. It's the only way for there to be peace in the kingdom. Trust me, your wife knows she doesn't look like she did on your wedding day, what she's looking for is conformation that you haven't noticed because you love her no matter what.

Resolutions

Sometimes I don't even know why I bother with resolutions. I mean, we all know that no later than the 8th day of the new year we will realize that all hopes of changing or improving ourselves is just outside our reach and we will return to what is normal, comfortable or routine.

A few weeks ago I had this creative, but by no means original, idea. I would, with the help of perhaps a few real writers, write a daily blog throughout 2010 or 2k10 or whatever this decade is to be known by and I would enjoy every minute of it. OK, the 365 posts in one year was really the idea. But instead of cooking up a new dish or taking a flashy photo everyday this year I thought perhaps a daily advice blog might be best.

I mean anyone who knows me knows that I have all the answers. Oh wait, that's Ann Landers I'm thinking about. In truth, I don't have all the answers, or really even any of them. I lead one of those you-could-learn from me lives but from the standpoint of 'look at all these mistakes I make'.

Point is, be careful this year about your resolutions. You might just find yourself on the 2nd day of the year with already busted resolutions.